#She fucking Makes Me go places I Dont want to go!! and THen has the Fucking gall To do....
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After wearing that dress, i imagine being roughly pinned down by Mommy. She aggressively gropes me over my dress and pushes the skirt up, greedily squeezing and palming anything she can, her hands sliding higher to maul my tits and pitch my nipples Using her strength and superior height against me when i try to get away.
She starts grinding her hips into my arse and i feel that she has the strap hidden underneath, i start to squirm away again and she puts more of her weight on me, grabbing my arms and tying them behind me. Leaning down to my ear and softly saying, " You are all mine now, pet "
She pulls my hips up, and my face is pressed against the ground. She sees the wet patch on my underwear and rubs over it, massaging the clit alittle "oh, i thought you didnt want this,love? You are soaked for me, so ready!" Bending over me, body flush to mine," she whispers darkly." Unfortunately for you, that's not the hole i plan on using tonight " leaning back up and slapping my arse "no, i have been wanting to take you there for so long, you have had plugs but mommy has been desperate to use her cock on you there. And with you dressed so cute and vulnerable, i couldn't wait any longer "
Whith her foot on my back to keep me still, she pulls my underwear off and releases the strap from her clothes,rubbing it against me "god,you are going to look so cute, i bet you are going to make the prettiest noises when i fuck you here " after hearing a bottle open and feeling something cold drip onto me, i feel her place the tip at my enterance "see i came prepared, dont want to hurt you, little dove, just want to claim and fuck every hole you have, you are mine afterall......deep breath" as she slowly pushes in, the fullness and pressure increasing, the moans coming from my mommy as she pants " oh god, so tight, i dont think i can get enough of you, sweet girl, mommy is gonna have to do this more often " i know my fate is sealed.
( this is sapphic sex )
#god i need a girlfriend to do this to me😫#me and who#i need to stop being so feral but i cant#cnc free use#lesbian#mommy k!nk#sapphic nsft#please please please#bd/sm kink#bd/sm mommy#md/lg babygirl#bd/sm blog#sapphic ns/fw
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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He looks so different with glasses 😂 did not recognize him at first
terribly funny how much more generic he can get with a thick frame of raybans like ive always believed the whole glasses as a disguise would never work irl but i got punked so hard that when i first saw him in glasses i was like "oh another man" glossed over him then felt the same sensation as when i forget to buy milk at the store, swiped back, scrutinised this for far longer than im comfortable admitting publicly and went "oh my god THATS MY MAN GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
#ask#i went “maffhew where the hell have you been loca”#she is but a beautiful female protagonist “shackled” by a thick pair of glasses#to me she is even more beautiful with the glasses#but also just another man#ive specifically seen this type of man in so many fucking places...#the fruity english teacher that also teaches the creative writing course because he genuinely enjoys spoken word#the one where you walk into his class see the open class layout... look up at him... look at his fit and go#huh... itd be rude to ask if he has a husband but... you know...#the class where you can tell hes in because you can smell his maple syrup candle from the courtyard#despite there being a whole gym between you and the building hes in because his door is always open and anytime the building door opens#you smell a whole wiff of autumn... it is in fact summer... and always summer where you are...#he doesnt talk about his lovelife at all doesnt even mention anything about it#but everyones curious but hes cool and you dont want to make him uncomfortable so you dont ask but you know you know?#its why you squeal in glee when he shows up to open mic night at the blackbox in the 300 building with his husband in tow because once again#he adores spoken word and gave extra credit to anyone who preformed and he wants to support his students#and hes just so smiley and giggly all night because he finally gets to be with his secret husband and its so perfect and theyre so perfect#and he also your dad because you have daddy issues and having a male figure in your life whos queer and supports you is so important-#you know what!! i think we know a little too much about each other i will stop now!!!! you get the idea!!!!!
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Knight Zwei West Ishmael on- your house actually, pay up.
#bart#ishmael limbus company#ishmael lcb#limbus company#im not undressing this woman unless all love fucked up scars and an actual old woman in your face#anyway i will be HOPEFULLY making lots of lore about u corp#i also wanted to dig into how abnormalities and distortions are treated because its so inch resting#also carmen is interesting too have i said that? no dont worry im not degrading her into distortion means ot else ill keel over#i am in the fucking trenches all the fucking time in every place i go to dont even WORRY#not yall folks on tumblr. i read yalls tags n stuff and they make me smile.#im lurking and im stalking when you least expect it#but yall have pretty good opinions im eating this shit up#the fandom on twitter actually making me lose braincells its actually so bad how it looks like they eat and read slop all day#anyway(pt2) i cant wait to explain some of the scars ive given her. i actually have a lot of lore for some of them it makes me happy#ive messed with ishmael a lot and i hope she actually looks like she has been weathered by the sea. please tell me if she does or dont#also i cant expect much from Twitter my oomf just watched somebody be ignorant and fall for racist propaganda in a GAME no less
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good morning. thinking again of juve and her dog
#oreste garifalle save me. save me oreste garifalle (he cannot even save himself)#i just.. man its so over. by the time they encounter each other juve is the worst shes ever been & oreste doesnt yet know he could be better#so. sure. juve needs to gather the pieces of herself back up and double down on her coping mechanisms but not thinking at all about whats#happened to her/how she was affected by it and by instead fixating on someone elses problems. she needs to offer drive and direction to#another in order to feel more in control of herself#and luckily for her unluckily for himself. by the time she finds him. oreste is only Just stumbling out of a gothic pseudoincest nightmare#in which all of his own wants and desires have been very deliberately placed on a shelf higher than he can reach and hes all too eager#to accidentally replicate previous dynamics (dog) with someone new#so. tldr. juve needs to control/'fix' someone and oreste as of yet only knows how to be controlled/molded in anothers image#which would already be so bad except to top it off. juve is steadily fucking losing it. due to the repression crimes#and even as she tries to distance herself from the emotional aftermath of what she went through. it bleeds into the way she treats oreste#instead. like.#her base level dehumanization of him would already be bad but. as is. in the way it finds her.#juve completely lacks the finesse or grace or awareness to approach it as she normally would#so she instead traps them both in this horrible codependent situation where her 'fixing' oreste mostly involves her going oh! i know!#your problem is that youre not in touch with your anger right? you should be angry about what those guys did to you but youre not rigjt??#so!! easy fix!! lets just get you angry!!!#<- girl who is not entirely wrong but has also never processed any of her own anger a day in her life and Will be projecting#<- girl who will treat you both as a metaphor/extension of herself but Also as a recreation of the previous dynamic she was in with an#excessively angry individual#<- girl who decides the best way to put you in touch with your anger again is by. repeatedly triggering you until you protest#essentially bending your finger back and waiting to see which will come first. you letting it break or begging her to stop#and oreste is always too deeply traumatized and overwhelmed to do anything but let it break. so.#notnow#juve mizani#oreste garifalle#one of my favorite scenes i have planned for them is her making oreste relay what his abuser (kai) looked like. in detail.#as a skinshifter herself.#you see where this is going.#you should send me asks about them btw. if you want. also if you dont
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Mom called me a shitty roommate today bc after months of her telling me to rent a uhaul (too young to do so) and then flaking out on me whenever I asked her if we could it on x day, I gave up on trying to get my bf's heavy TV and dresser and ordered a mountable tv, instead of buying more storage totes so that I could add to the ever increasing stack of totes in our guest bedroom
#leading up to and since raine moved in i have thrown tons of shit away and so has he#we both moved from larger rooms into a smaller shared room#meanwhile my parents moved into a bigger room with a bigger closet and claimed the garage for storage space#i have several decorative items that would look cute out in the livingroom without clashing with her style#but she considers all my items ''clutter'' so i have to keep them in my room or in a tote#except all my totes are already occupied by other shit#i threw away 90% of my friends items that i was storing here in an effort to make my room tidier#(and to ensure that my items are not littered around the livingroom and kitchen)#i got a bed frame with drawers so i could store items in there#i am not a horder and neither is raine but we have to condense two peoples worth of things into one room and two closets#and like i said before we both had bigger rooms before moving to this house#my room was way larger before. even with my giant ass desk (that doesnt fit in my room) my old room#didnt look cluttered bc it had lots of open space. even tho that was a 2 bedroom apartment#and this is a 3 bedroom duplex with garage the square footage in this house was budgeted poorly#my hallway is literally a snail spiral shape so a lot of space is lost to the curvature#not to mention my parents have bought more shit than we had at the old place to fill up space that we all shared in our old apt#except i am going to mention it bc i think this is totally unfair#i get that my mom has never liked when my room is messy. she's my mom and she is going to nag#but she does not have to use my room or bathroom (she has her own. thats bigger than mine)#and i keep my bathroom clean for guests#and she has made it clear that she is unwilling to help me even when i ask and tried to plan out ways to cheaply get more furniture#raine has had tote boxes in his car since he moved in bc he knows that we dont have a place for them inside#not to mention several collectable swords (including limited edition skyrim sword and genuine damascus)#which is kind of a fucking road safety hazard since they are real blades#but he puts up with it bc he doesnt want to add to the clutter#i bought this tv and wall mount bc i know that as long as my tv is grounded to a dresser i cant rearrange my room to make more space in here#and im donating my current tv to the guest bedroom bc they wont buy one for it#they also wont buy a dresser for it which is why my mom was hounding me to rent a uhaul for raines dresser#(i cannot stress this enough. we are both TWENTY. how are we going to rent a car. we need older adult help!!!)
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on the leftist commune of my creation you WILL need to have a job and mandatory alone time it cannot be 3 faggots with full time jobs paying for acquaintances random stuff and then being made to listen to said acquaintance vent after the fact
#personal#if you don’t know my dad died last year i’m gonna wager you cannot ask me for money#told this dude i’m sorry but no i can’t pay for you to wash ur clothes and im TIRED#and yes xyz why someone can’t work i do get that#but i am working and am struggling with that#i don’t have a choice. i was going to a job where i fell asleep in my car while driving routinely and gave me extreme chest pains#just to pay what i owe my mom for rent#if SHE could afford it she’d let me live rent free but she can’t!#and i need to pay my bills! i NEED a job! there’s not someone waiting in the wings to fund my life#and i’m sick of it!!!!!! i’m sick of aquntinces using me as a vent thing and then as an atm!#yes i said no!!!!!!!!!! unless you are actively dying i’m probably gonna say no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i’m genuinely really upset by people needing things of me and i don’t want this relationship in the first place#you came to me youre talking to me im not hitting you up im not reaching out to you#i’m being polite but not outright ignoring you talking to me#that does not equal friendship!!!!!!!#i think i have to stop talking to people i must get meaner#i need to stop having the general vibe you as a stranger should feel comfortable talking to me at length#i’m tired!!!! i don’t want new friends or to make new plans or do that!!!!! leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!#and this is the second time this WEEK. some random aquantinxe has asked for money#brother i went over budget for donations in one day. i dont give a fuck unless ur actively in dire situations!!!!! i dont care!!!!!! there#there are bigger issues!!!#stop asking people ur NOT close with for this!!!! make actual friends !!!!!
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she told me i remind her of her ex, and that makes her feel protective of me. she tilted her head like a curious dog when she said that.
i wasn't sure how to word a prying question about it. i said I feel guilty when people do things for me because i don't have something to give in return. she said that was a strange way for me to have responded.
#woof woof#txtp#she makes me think so much#I want to be good. I want to be so good I want pure intentions and I think that want in itself is a bit dishonest#I'll go journal in my journal.#I think she knows I'd fuck her and even if she would be down for that it really feels like she is nurturing a different relative than that#both because im obviously a hungry void taking as much older tgirl love as i can as some mommy-ex wound bandaid combo#and she's genuinely concerned about me and being a sort of guiding presence is more important to her than wtv she'd get from hooking up#so i haven't hit on her. I let her know she's gorgeous af and is an angel but it's not as a move or to goad her on etc#we're both homeless and she's given me really good insight into how to live like this#she walks me back to wherever im headed when we're alone. which is both so appreciated but feels too sacrificial#it's a dangerous area. I don't want to be alone. but then she has to walk where she's going alone? no easy solution#she's like 30. this is a pattern. im fwb/ kind of dating two 30 y.o. trans women. i wasn't even seeking that out#in particular it's just unfolded this way from me following what feels good. but it's like. i am examining this#bc i don't want to be using people for some subconscious need and 3 for 3 is kinda red flag territory#i feel so used and spat out by my ex and the ppl who chose to be involved w me know im in a fucked up place. I dont want to repeat the cycl#of wtv tf the ex was doing when she “led me on” for years#I want my intentions and motives to be clear to me. So I don't make people I care about feel used or worse off for knowing me
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I bet I would Have Found Anton by Now. If there wasnt Some fucking Bitch Dragging me Down And being... LIke that!!!
#She fucking Makes Me go places I Dont want to go!! and THen has the Fucking gall To do....#To.#TO DO THAT!!!#I cant Fucking Stand Her!!!!!!!!!
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jesus fucking christ.
#abt wilbur.#abuse#this is largely going to be my rambling immediate largely self centric thoughts so . yknow keep scrollin if you dont want that.#i have nothing meaningful to add to the conversation except watch shelbys vod.#at first i only saw wills tweet bc my brother told me about it#and i thought it was about his EX ex girlfriend or something so i brushed it off like 'oh okay damn a general misunderstanding'#then i searched tumblr saw shubble. found her vod . jesus christ.#hes always poked fun at himself being like 'yeah im shit and manipulative'#so theres always been a nagging. ick . in the back of my head. but never enough to actually. stop myself from liking his content/music.#so yeah. another lesson in 'no no red flags exist for a reaosn. listen to your instincts is a saying for a reason.'#all the love and support to shelby. her candidness & how obviously much she HAS been able to grow past THAT SHIT is genuinely inspirational#not that she needs to be inspirational etc. etc. its just good to know she'll be okay. shes in a good place. thank god.#all the stress for wilburs content friends. whether theyve been manipualteed whether theyve whatever i hope theyre . making good choices.#i say give them time. ik theres a lot of creators immediately coming out. therell be a lot who have to process this shit.#there'll be a lot whove. knowinigly / accidentally been complicit. theyre individuals treat them as such.#personally i just . have not cared about m a n y dsmp era mcyt for a W H I L E . so im happy to detach forever at thsi rate.#i havent been in the mcyt sphere for a hot fucking minute now. i hope youre all doing okay.#this shit hits weird. its okay to feel weird. if you want somewhere to vent my dms the replies on this post the tags are all free and open.#don't stew in it. you dont have to fear feeling selfish or self-centric or shifting the spotlight. you need to let that shit out.#thsis hit sucks !!!! a bunch of his/lvjy songs are comfort songs for me.#idk what the fuck to do about that. my immediate /want/ is to burn it. but thats easier said than done sometimes#if youre gonna 'separate the art from the artist' at least fucking pirate his music. youtube to mp3 that shit.#you can add local 'on your computer' files to spotify.#seperate art from the artist by seperating his monetary gain of YOUR consumption of it as much as possible. /AT LEAST/.#but also good luck separating his largely personal art from him.#im not tryna be condescending im in the same boat.#fucking white whine in a wetherspoons is no. 2 on my panic attacks playlist.#thats not his to take from me anymore. but ik if i listen to it ever again itll make my skin crawl.#ofc its not about me. its not about us the unaware fans. and im glad to know for sure now hes a REAL piece of shit.#m
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I've been going through a very interesting, and important gender and gender presentation journey over the past four months, which culminated into a comment that has been bothering me for a while.
Since about mid-September, I've been slowly gaining a lot of self-confidence for various reasons, and I've also been looking at the parts of myself that I've hidden underground inside my mind for a long while. Including my own feelings about my own femininity.
For those who have known me for a while, you'll know I've always been more masculine leaning in presentation and gender. As it turns out, I sort of pendulum swing across the entire spectrum.
Me and the friend who's been by my side this entire journey (who, funnily enough, is the only allocishet friend I have), had this inside joke with each other that if I showed up to a meeting with the gang in a skirt they wouldn't know what to do. And so we eventually got me a skirt.
I can't begin to describe the amount of pure bliss I felt when I saw myself in it. I'd only felt that feeling once before, when my dad put one of his old ties on me for a fun little game we were playing in 2020. The only difference was that when that happened, I was still in denial about who I was. When I looked in the mirror, it was something I couldn't even begin to grasp onto. When I looked into the mirror just barely two weeks ago, I finally saw me.
And so we ended up making a whole "scene girl" outfit for me. This was revealed in almost its entirety a few days later, and we were right. They really didn't know what to do with me. With the exception of my mom and one of my oldest friends (who both said I looked cute, and I did! I felt cute!), the actual group I hang around with didn't know how to react to it. One of my friends just ignored the whole thing like it was normal (hurtful, but it's whatever), another kept asking when it happened and trying to wrap his head around the change (funny), and one eventually ended up saying something that's been bothering me.
Initially, they were really surprised I had legs because he forgot that I did. But later, when we were talking about a character that me and the aforementioned friend had made for a sitcom (a transman who dresses femininely for the most part), he turned to me and said "so like you, a transmasc drag queen".
While yes, that fits that character fairly well, it didn't sit right when about me. Because no, as it turns out, I'm not a transmasc drag queen. I'm not really . . . anything. When I dress more masculine, it's queer because it borders on tomboy/butch and transmasc (which, I know those terms can coexist, but I'm using it as a scale of masculinity because I can't explain it any other way), and when I dress femininely it's also queer because I'm someone who inherently goes towards androgyny/masculinity as my comfort expression.
Here's the funny part, though. Of the four people I hang around, three are queer in some way. The only one, the only one, who saw that I'm fine with fluidity in pronouns, jokes about my gender, and just sort of knew from the beginning that I was suppressing my femininity (which he told me after the Skirt Moment, so that was a fun night), was allocishet. I could get into all the weird shit that has gone on with me and the group, but the least queer person in the group understood, almost immediately, that I, the most verbally and visually queer of the group, enjoy funny little gender jokes. Hell, a few days after meeting I was doing something in my friend's kitchen and he said "oh sorry I was raised in a republican household, if there's someone in the kitchen I assume it's a woman".
So I guess what I'm saying, right now, is that I'm not any particular gender identity, I'm not trans anything, I don't really enjoy the fit of genderqueer even, I just. Am. And I wish that people irl would be willing to have fun with that more, rather than being so fucking afraid that I'm going to have a breakdown and kill someone for misgendering me.
#also this is like. really small.#but that allocishet friend didn't know my pronouns for the first week knowing me and when i wasnt there was she/her-ing me#and everyone would just. death glare him??? and not correct him???#like he was supposed to know???#one whole week of it happening!!! and he had to go and ask because they wouldnt tell him!!! like what!!!#its just. so weird that my friends are so protective of my identity in places that i dont give a fuck???#meanwhile one of their moms is protective of me because. and i quote. 'payton will give up things for others that they care about at their#own detriment' like that is the second most accurate reading of me anyone has given#idk i could get into the small shit that this group does#like how i used to talk about being in a constant state of disassociation and it was just 'eyyyy cool! me too sometimes!!'#or how i make a joke that im constantly touch starved and they still dont even really want me to hug them or anything????#idk small shit like that#or paytonisms#but i love them#so yeah. heres this ig ;-;#p bangs the keys
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I dont really believe in afterlife as a place, but if one exists im finding the Roman fucker that adapted the Medusa story and pummeling him to death a second time
#today on River's extremely niché literary pet peeves:#greek mythology#sa mention#<-- for as I ramble on#I've an unwavering hatred for the romans as a whole but this one adaptation in particular . THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR#idk man theres just something about changing the story to include medusa getting raped that makes me unbelievably violent#and i understand how a modern audience may want to reclaim that medusa as a symbol and all#but . Danae is right fucking there#you know? Perseus's mother? Who already had to bare a zeus child? which as you can guess she didnt have a choice to deny?#THE SOLE REASON PERSEUS HAS TO SLAY MEDUSA IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE THE KING WANTED TO MARRY HER AGAINST HER WILL#AND THAT WAS THE SUICIDE QUEST HE WAS SENT ON IN EXCHANGE FOR HER RIGHT TO STAY FREE????#I cant express in words how Danae being overlooked in nigh all non greek adaptations of this myth pisses me off but that's a discussion-#for another day#But back to Medusa. I get it. I get the wanting to stick with and support the 'other' ; the outsider etc#but shes a tragic character in /EVERY/ version#even in the ones where shes a generic monster#The roman version only serves to hurt her on a new plane that she SHOULDNT have to be hurt on.#and keep in mind that the person that wrote that probably didnt do it to add to the tragedy; but to make her seem more deserving of death#i dont know where im going with this tldr the medusa myth is super complex and interesting when you take all the characters within -#into account; and the roman version as all things roman is just fucking worse and i hATE IT- sorry the demons#- and the roman version being taken as the true one in a lot of modern circles and adaptations does a huge disservice to all of it#because for medusa to be the Symbol; perseus often has to be the Villain; and for him to be the villain Danae is just forgotten.#Like. Perseus can be grey. Most if not all greek legends are grey in a way or another.
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was provided with a rough translation of one of the 4th light novels' chapters by bestie rachel fullscoreshenanigans so im dumping a small compilation of don moments that made me chew a hole through my wall
#skye's ramblings#III AM SOOOOOO IMSANE ABT THIS STORY YOU DONT GET IT. YOUUUU DONT EVEN KNOWWWW#don and conny OHHHHHH i am pointing at them with my hand very big THATS HIS FGUCKGIMG SISTER!!!!!!!! RUNS INTO TRAFFIC#he is so so SOOO proud he was able to help her making him happy makes HIM happy do you even FUCKING CARE!!!!! SHES HIS WHOLE WORLD#also thefact that she even has little bunny means this takes place somewhere with a month before her shipment. whatever its fine. im fine#n the next 2 are just. sooo fucking funny to me HEY I WONT LOSE TO THE VOICES OUTSIDE!! LOOK AT ME *makes even louder noises*#ohh hes just like me. i would do this. 10 yr-old audhd skye would absolutely fucking do this. hes JUST like me#and the fucking 'don. i advise you not to expect sympathy from these people' killed me. gilda youare literally everything ever. to me#AND THE LAST ONEEEE ohh its genuinely just. a really sweet interaction <3#the way he tries to put on a positive front to reassure the younger kids while literally shaking and clinging to ray he is so so sweet#speaking of which of course he clings to ray for protection. don loves ray soo fucking much it make me INSANE!!!! I ALWAYS WIN#and the way ray has the smallest pause before telling him to let go. caught off guard by the contact ... WHAT THE FUCK EVER <3<3<3<3<3#oohhhhh i want to talk abt this whole story its so sweet and cozy .. but it is so late and. the sleepytired is hitting my brain with hammers#but also i have The Disorders so you DO get my don tag dump <3 i love you
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also ig this is a bit of a hot take for mlp? but i don’t think i’m opposed to the idea of starlight glimmer being redeemed. like the whole point of the show is that friendship wins the day, so many characters being redeemed makes sense for the show’s themes and such. nor do i necessarily think she should have to suffer to earn her respect back.
i do think the way it was handled was still awful tho like the entire bit with her town forgiving her instantly was a whole joke
#this is why its hard to do stuff w her in my nextgen idea bc i do think shes an interesting character and want to include her#but also i do not like her all that much or how she was handled so i gotta like rehaul aton of shit#and idk if i wanna put that much effort into whats just kinda a brain candy au to me#its like.... why did they even make her a cult leader... its baby show...#im not exaggerated that btw for ppl who havent seen the show shes literally intendedto be that#also i do like the idea of her floundering throughout season 6 and falling back into dangerous habits#bc it makes the finale where shes forced into a leadership position again and panics and acts purely passive more interesting#plus it shows how redemption isnt a straight line. but what was missing were people being distrustful at all#like most of it was self hatred or jokes abt what she did and its like. eugh. no.#dont include such a harsh plotline if you arent gonna give it the care it needs. which is why i think this had no place in this show#idk. ive kinda shrugged off the whole ''redemption is something only a few ppl ever deserve'' thing#bc i think thats kinda bleak now to just expect that nobody can change and if you fuck up you can never be rehabilitated#but it def has to be handled with tact if youre gonna go as far as starlight#anyways idk i dont actually care that much. maybe when i continue that mlp marathon ill have a stronger opinion on her idk#echoed voice
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every day on this trip is worse
#i can not stand my sister at all i truly can't#she's been yelling and arguing for 10 minutes because she has her hair straightner but mum doesnt have a plug converter#and she keeps yelling ab how her fringe is fucked when it looks literally the same as it has this entire trip#and is yelling ab how its mums fault as if she couldn't have bought this shit herself before we left#i am just. so over this#any fun that would come from being on an international trip is immediately taken away by my mum and sister constantly getting angry#and either yelling or getting passive aggressive and making me feel horrible its just so tiring#bc i feel like such a fucking asshole for not enjoying an international trip that i will never get the opportunity for again#like this cost so much money and it feels awful to say i dont want it or that its not fun or whatever#but i am constantly dissociating and trying not to cry and ive had meltdowns and panic attacks almost every day but im not allowed to show#them bc my sister tells me to calm down and not be so dramatic and everything is a sensory nightmare#and i have a very specific diet at home and its not available outside of nz and there arent really any worthy substitutes and even if there#are i wont know bc i dont speak the languages so im just living on shitty little protien drinks and hot chocolate which makes me feel worse#and on top of it all im sick and i havent had any chance to rest bc my sister wont stop ab going places and doing thingd#and gets pissy if i dont want to#and its just so fucking difficult i knew that being stuck w them for 2 months would suck but its been 1 week and i cant do this anymore#i have no other option but i seriously don't know what to do i don't know how to handle this im at my limit#travelling is stressful and anxiety inducing and its hard enough doing it once on my own#let alone every 2 or 3 days w family that rushes and runs late and has 10000 bags that never fucking fit on the trains#and its always me left standing in the aisle blocking peoples path with nowhere to go bc my sisters giant suitcase wont fit anywhere#i hate this so much and its making me hate all the cities and countries we go to bc i dont get to experience the places i only get#to experience fucking breakdowns and im constantly drinking water bc im constantly dehydrated from either crying or panicked breathing#its a mess and i hate it and i want to go home I haven't felt comfortable or safe since i left home and i wont feel either until i go back#but that isnt until the last couple days of january so i just have to keep dealing with things getting worse by the day#negative cw#rant cw#ask to tag cw
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tag vent
#so i think my boyfriend is going to break up with me#i just had an abortion a week ago and i was at the ER last night for hours#ive been in so much pain recently and it stopped today after the ER visit bc of the meds they gave me but also i learned that due to all the#blood loss im now anemic and might need a blood transfusion and im so afraid of everything getting worse because it is#im still homeless and trying to get stable housing. im staying at a temporary housing place right now but im sleeping on my moms couch on#and off because she has a car and os close to the ER if something goes worse.#im pretty sure hes going to leave me. hes been distant and i really need him right now. like he isnt taking care of me when i can barely#move because of the extreme pain. he hasnt been cooking for me after i cooked for him every night since we got together until now.#he hasnt been there emotionally and is only there physically sometimes even though hes with me everyday and night. hes not there financially#either. the one time he sent me money to help was 2 days ago and he essentially made me spend the 25 on games and wouldnt let me save it#for when we needed it. it also seems like hes blaming me for his blood sugar even though ive been spending my last cash on him and when i#have nothing i still get him sugar and food. he hasnt contributed at all really and i feel so fucking used and that hes going to drop me now#ive been using all of my connections and resources to make sure we have a place to stay. an apartment. food. sugar. and safety.#but all hes done is lie about putting in job applications and try to get into an apartment over an hour away from where we are and he knows#i dont want to move there at all. but he keeps trying to get in. ive told him im not moving there. he said all he wants is for us to live#together and he doesnt care where it is. but damn i dont feel heard at all. and i feel like hes definitely going to leave me#im so scared i love him so much#tag vent#vent#vent in tags
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